I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
