I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
