isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
