I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
