Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
