something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
