pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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