Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
