my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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