At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
