I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pappa wants mamma naked
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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