how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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