Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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