I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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