I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
