youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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