...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
