Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
