guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
