All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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