...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
