I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
