Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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