i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
