We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
