Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
