If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i love accidental penises.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
