My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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