I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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