Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
