He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He passed out mid-signature
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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