just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
