I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
