I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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