do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
