my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
