The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
