Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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