from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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