he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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