if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize