he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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