Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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