Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
