I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
