i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
