God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
