The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is my gift to your gina
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
