had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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