Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
