You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
