I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
