Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
