I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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