I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
