so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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