I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
