Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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